Empty Space
by Innocent Hardcore
Summary: 1+2/2+1 fic. Duo discovers something about himslef and Heero rejects him. Feeling alone, Duo wonders if he has enough courage to jump. But what he doesn't know is that someone does care about him. But will Heero be too late?


Hi! What's up? This fic is written for my friend Corinna Seller!!!! She sent me copies of   
some Heero and Duo doujinshi ^_^ Thanks again!!!!!!! I loved them!!!!!!! Good luck with your   
japanese lessons!!   
  
This is my new Fanfic writing account, I'm going to put COMPLETE fics here.   
Beware the mindless fics I do, if I feel like writing, I usual write something bad.   
I'm going to shut up now. (Yay!) Don't forget to R + R  
  
Warning: Shounen ai, this means boy/boy love, I warned you!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing (iF i did, Relena would die in every episode. =P)  
  
  
  
  
~~Empty Space~~  
  
  
Duo-  
  
  
3:00 AM; again I sit alone on the roof. Where did I go wrong this time? Some nights, I go   
to bed exhausted and fall asleep dreamlessly. Other nights, I can't fall asleep for hours.   
Even then, I don't get enough sleep to last the day. But nights like these are worse.  
  
It started one day when I left our private building in the middle of the night. At first I   
walked in circles around the block. But that too became as stifling as if I had stayed   
confined inside. I had to stay quiet, trying not to wake the others inside. I ventured into   
the city, taking only the dark routes and quietly thinking to myself. I walked far, hoping   
to find some adventure hoping to find something to take my mind out of it's depressed   
rut. But nothing came, no adventure, no escape, nothing.  
  
That's when I started to push myself. Almost like Heero and his little 0% survival rate   
missions. I lingered after missions, hoping to get some action. Even though I was against   
the war I loved the feeling of battle. The little priest's boy was long gone, and in   
replacement was me. A sham of who I used to be, and if nothing else, more confused than   
ever.   
  
I looked into the night sky. Small stars were sparkling in the twilight. It was a rare sight,   
for on the colonies the stars were artificial. But rather than look and wonder at it's   
undying beauty, I looked past it and looked into oblivion, where I am right now. Time   
had stopped passing a long time ago. Before I wasn't able to keep still for 3 minutes, but   
now it seemed to be the only thing I was doing. I was always sitting and thinking,   
walking and thinking, or just thinking in general.  
  
I took the dangerous route in life, telling myself I was doing it to live life to it's fullest.   
Then after I had done almost everything that would frighten even the most daring of   
people, I realized I needed to do something more. It was no longer enjoyment. I wasn't   
enjoying the rush of acting spontaneously. But it was the anxiety, the fear of when I   
thought it was the end, I had been caught, I was going to die, that made me forget. The   
fear and anxiety took over, replacing past memories and future insecurities with here and   
now. And that was what I longed for, the carefree life that I once had.  
  
My gaze flickered to Heero's room. Heero didn't know how alike him and I actually   
were. Just like everyone else he thought I was the person he saw, over-exuberant,   
annoying and talkative.   
  
Some weeks ago, I realized just how alike Heero and I were. The realization made me   
feel important, like I could actually help Heero with his problems. Like, out of all the   
people who have wanted to help Heero, I'd be the one to do it. I imagined sharing a bond   
that no one could break. But worst of all, I imagined a mutual understanding, in a   
relationship that would last forever.   
  
I was rudely awakened.  
  
I talked to Heero, telling him what I thought. Even though he was looking at me with his   
uncaring look, I told him I thought we needed each other, and that I especially needed   
him. I confessed that ever since I realized our similarities I couldn't get him out of my   
mind. He stared at me, processing what I had just said. Then he suddenly stood up and   
walked away. Leaving me alone to stare at his laptop and wonder what I had just done.  
  
He came back of course, but it was two days later. Two days spent in pain and constant   
wondering. What had really hurt was that when he returned he acted like it had never   
happened. It was like everything was back to normal, only I could never be normal again.  
  
Did he really hate me that much? The least he could have done was tell me he disagreed   
or something. Anything to keep me from wondering what he was thinking. It seemed I   
would only make myself feel worse by guessing what was on his mind. For example how   
he thought I was an idiot, a weakling and disgusting.  
  
Now whenever I was with Heero, I shut myself off from everyone else. No one realized   
it, because instead of becoming quiet, I became even more loud and annoying. When   
everyone was mad at me, they would be to self-centered to notice me. Self-centered…   
Was I asking too much? I still don't know, but that's what I thought.  
  
I began to hate myself. Everything about me wasn't perfect enough for Heero. My hair   
was beginning to look dead. In the light it looked dull, just like my eyes. No more   
shinning violet eyes! Instead, I had angry glaring dark eyes. The window to my soul   
showed nothing, exactly what was inside of me.  
  
What was there to like about me? I was just a lost and confused soul, just like Heero. He   
needed someone to help him, not get a free ride off him. No matter what, I wouldn't be   
able to help him. It looked like my hopes and dreams were all crushed. And it was all my   
fault.  
  
Where did all my confidence go? I guess it all drained away. After I tried so hard to keep   
the gang together, I must have forgotten all about myself. In the end, they had stayed   
together, but I was drifting apart.   
  
I was drowning in an ocean of my own sorrow and I wanted be saved, I wanted to be   
appreciated and loved. I wanted someone to notice, I wanted to be found on this roof. But   
most of all, I wanted someone to stay with me.  
  
Some people don't realize, that when you're in the center of attention, you get over   
looked the most. Heero wouldn't have that problem; he's been alone all his life. Other   
than getting gawked at for his legendary title of The Perfect Soldier, he'd been pretty   
much uncared for. We both were uncared for; we both knew how it was. Yet I wouldn't   
be the one to help him would I?  
  
Relena would probably be the one to get Heero in the end. She's the foreign minister,   
nice, pretty, totally obsessed with him and a girl. But Heero didn't know the depth of   
what I felt, did he? I would do any thing to get close to him. I'd be his friend, best friend,   
whatever; as long as I'd be able to show him how much I cared for him.  
  
I'd probably never get that chance again. I screwed everything up. After everything   
we've been through together, I'd scared him away.   
  
A flash of movement to my right! I searched the shadows but couldn't find anything. I   
had thought it was Heero. Maybe he was worried about me; maybe he was just curious   
about where I was. I looked around the deserted roof once again. Nope, no Heero,   
nothing else out here, just me. Just empty wishes.  
  
I stood up, and walked across the dirty metallic floor, towards the railing of the building.   
My footsteps were soundless and I could hear nothing but the empty silence, the silence   
that had always been a part of me. Even the city was dead quiet.   
  
From the ledge, I could see the skyline, but the beautiful landscape didn't attract me at   
all. I looked down towards the pavement of the street. What lied beyond this life? Was it   
just nothingness? Was it a dark, fiery inferno: hell, or even heaven.   
  
Surely I would never go to heaven. Even if it weren't for the war, the stealing, the   
hacking and the desire would definitely ensure me a long painful afterlife. That reminds   
me: the desire.  
  
The desire. I wanted to be not so good anymore. I wanted to forget who I was; let go of   
all my restrictions. I wouldn't need to go anywhere with a smile plastered on my face. If   
that happened, everyone would know what was I was going through inside! Then they   
would know how they had failed me! I wanted to be self-centered; I wanted to not care   
about anyone. Then maybe they wouldn't be able to hurt me. Maybe then, I wouldn't   
have to depend on them. And finally maybe if it didn't matter to me, Heero's rejection   
would stop haunting me!  
  
I heard the floor groan behind me. I spun around mid thought, hoping that maybe my   
wishes had come true and someone had finally found me. The empty rooftop greeted me.   
  
"Argh!!!" I yelled despite myself.   
  
I kicked at an empty trashcan, and it made a loud metal shriek and flew over the railing.   
  
"Good, I hope it hits someone" I muttered to myself bitterly.   
  
I heard the crash of the trash can hitting the street below. I sighed. There was so much   
anger in me, these days. I walked back over to the railing and checked if it had hit   
anyone. Nope, everyone was safe. It would probably leave a dent in the sidewalk though.   
It was a long fall.   
  
I snapped to attention at that thought. I looked to the pavement once again. It was a really   
long fall. I looked at the trashcan, it was all mangled up and hard to see from here.   
  
I definitely wouldn't survive that.   
  
But should I do it?   
  
What was the use of staying alive? Wandering the streets like a lost soul all my life?   
Quatre might feel guilty, but he'd have Trowa. And of course Wufei would have Sally.   
And it wasn't like Wufei would care that much anyways. Heero was a different story; he   
wouldn't care at all.   
  
It would be overkill. There was no way I'd survive if I jumped off.   
  
What was keeping me from doing it? I hated my life. There was nothing worse. For so   
long, I had went out and looked for my love. When I finally thought I found him, it was   
worse than death; Heero hated me. He walked right out on me, with no words at all.   
Shows how much he cared about me.   
  
Yea, I had friends but that wouldn't do it. No matter what they did, or what I did, there   
would be that empty void in my heart. And let's face it; I was out searching for death   
wasn't I? I was out searching for escape? So why couldn't I do it? Was I too cowardly?   
  
Heero. I just didn't know anymore. I wanted to stay alive, just to be near Heero. But how   
could I live knowing that he hated me? Could I live with that rejection? I've tried to   
forget him, sure. But it never worked. He was always there in the back of my mind. Even   
before I'd become infatuated with him, I was always interested in him. I wanted to   
befriend him and I thought of him as my best friend, even though the feelings weren't   
likely to be mutual.  
  
The war would end soon, and Heero would just disappear as suddenly as he came. Quatre   
would always be generous, but he would be with Trowa. Wufei would probably put up   
with me for a while, or at least until he realized his feelings for Sally. Any way I put it, I   
was the third wheel. I thought Heero and I belonged together. Again I asked myself,   
'Where did I go wrong?'  
  
The rail was a circular black pole that went around the whole roof. It was about 4 inches   
in diameter and 5 feet of the roof floor. The building was a total of 40 flights.   
  
I didn't know what was going on anymore. The war seemed endless and at the same time   
seemed like it would end tomorrow. Victory was so close, yet so far. I, and everyone else   
around me, was so deep into the war, no one exactly knew who was fighting for what. I   
didn't know my enemies anymore. Maybe it was Romefellar, Treize, Relena or Oz. There   
was only one constant enemy I had: me.   
  
I hated myself. It was always deep inside. The part of me that knew I had caused Father   
Maxwell's death, Sister Helen, Solo and the rest of the people who had loved. I called   
myself the God of Death. But it was only a curse. I had always had insecurities, doubts   
and hatred. They followed me wherever I went. The only place I seemed to loose them   
was when I was with Heero. He made me forget, he was my escape. And after we'd   
separate, it was back to the same old torture. I was sick and tired of this life.  
  
"Put your money where your mouth is," I whispered to myself.  
  
If I hated this life so much, why couldn't I end it? If I was meant to be with Heero, why   
did he hate me? If I couldn't live without Heero, why would I?  
  
I decided it had to be done. I jumped onto the rail. As I landed, I was careful to bend my   
knees on impact. It was a bit windier up here. I started to lean a little too far backward…   
I wedged the rail into the notch of my boots. Making sure I had my balance I peered   
down at the street. It was so far down it almost gave me vertigo.  
  
"I'm going to do it." I said aloud to myself.   
  
Goodbye Quatre, Trowa, Wufei… Heero, I'll always love you. Too bad it didn't work   
out. Maybe in the next life we can fall in love together.  
  
"Duo!!!" I heard a slightly nasal voice yell from behind me. My heart skipped a beat. It   
was Heero! What should I do? I turned quickly to look at him.   
  
It seemed to happen it slow motion. But it was so quick that I couldn't even register it. As   
I whipped around, my boots became unstuck and I started to slip backwards. I could see   
an expression of shock on Heero's face and he started to run towards me. My arms began   
to windmill and I stayed there balancing on one foot, 40 stories above ground with Heero   
running towards me. Time seemed to stop and I could hear my heart beating in my head.   
  
The moment was over, and I could no longer hear my heart beating, just the wind   
whipping around me. I began to sway a bit too far back, and my whole body followed.   
I could feel the wind rushing in all directions around me and I could see the floor start to   
rush up at me.  
  
I shut my eyes tightly. I got what I asked for. Just hopefully Heero would grow to be   
happy. Fall in love with someone… have kids… a happy family. He could achieve the   
dream I had thought we would live. Maybe he'd understand the meaning of love then.   
Then he'd know how I felt about him. How I'd do anything for him and how my life   
depended on him.   
  
Goodbye Heero, I love you…  
  
I waited for the impact. I kept my eyes tightly shut and surrendered to my fate. Only it   
didn't come. I opened my eyes tentatively.   
  
A pair of angry cobalt blue eyes met mine. It was Heero, and looked mad enough to kill   
me right there. Which he could of course, and it was also what I was in the middle of   
doing.   
  
Gathering up my courage and pent up anger, I asked him,  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
Not the smartest of questions, but it got my point across. He only glared at me in   
response and using one hand pulled me back onto the roof. My boots landed heavily, and   
Heero looked me up and down checking for injuries.   
  
"What were you doing?" He asked me. His face was emotionless and his eyes were   
burning holes through me.   
  
What was I doing? I looked over the rail of the building. That would have been a very   
painful landing. The answer should have been obvious, but I couldn't find one. I didn't   
know anymore. Inside I was a huge jumble of confused thoughts and pent-up anger. And   
I knew only one thing: Heero had prevented my final escape.  
  
"Why did you stop me?" I shrieked at him. I didn't care if anyone else could hear us   
anymore. It's not as if it mattered anymore.   
  
He hesitated before answering me. "I was…trying to save you…"  
  
He was having trouble translating his feelings into words, but I was too angry to care.  
  
"I wanted to die Heero! You didn't save me at all!"  
  
He looked at me, trying to find an answer. Finding none he asked me, in a simple word,  
  
"Why?"  
  
I sighed. This was going to be hard. How could I explain to him how much he hurt me?  
  
"I wanted to die because you hate me, and I don't want to live without you." I said trying   
to keep everything as straight forward as possible. I couldn't help the resentment and   
rejection in my voice.  
  
His eyes clouded over. It seemed that everyone was having inner battles these days. He   
looked confused, just as much as I had been. There was nothing I could do but let him   
come to it on his own terms. I waited patiently, staring into his beautiful eyes; even   
though conflicted, they were still captivating, and I could not pull my gaze away.  
  
How could I find it in myself to leave this angel on earth?  
  
"…But I… don't hate you."  
  
I was filled with immense relief, but it quickly replaced with sorrowful anger.   
  
"Then why did you do that to me?" I shrieked once again, the anger boiling out over me.  
  
Heero looked alarmed, "Do what?"  
  
I almost wanted to hit him in exasperation. But of course I would never hurt him. He   
needed a gentle shove in the right direction and I wasn't sure if I had the patience for it;   
however, I had to try.  
  
"When I… told you how I felt, you didn't say anything... And then you walked out."  
  
A look of realization crossed Heero's features and he looked me straight in the eyes. He   
took a deep breath and started to talk.  
  
"It took me a while to realize it… but I think…. I love you too. At first it started when we   
met, I couldn't get you out of my mind. So as time went on, you got closer to me and   
whenever you were around I couldn't do my work. I tried to push you away but that   
didn't work. At first I only thought it was hormones, because I kept on…" he paused here   
and looked away nervously. Then he started mumbling. He was rambling on about how   
he was sorry. I could see the faint red blush on his tanned skin.  
  
I was so happy; I was about to jump him right then and there. And I would never let go.   
These words that was spilling out of his mouth, no longer mattered to me. All my   
problems had flown out the window with those three words. If I knew it, and he knew it,   
there was nothing stopping us.  
  
I placed my finger on his lip, silencing him. He looked at me, and without any words he   
understood what I wanted. He leaned forward, inching toward me. God what was with   
this guy? I didn't have the patience for it. With one step I closed the space between us. I   
ran my hands into his unruly dark brown hair. With a sudden urgency, I brought his lips   
crashing down on mine.   
  
He complied more than willingly, and leaned into the kiss. He ran his hands down my   
spine, coming to a rest at he small of my back.   
  
Being this close to him was doing weird things to my brain. There was no sensible   
thought in my head, just Heero. I felt my knees go weak. He took my weight easily. He   
surprised me buy slipping his tongue into my mouth. I was surprised. I didn't know   
Heero was that good of a kisser.   
  
I used my hands and kept his head still, I wasn't about to let him have all the fun. I let my   
tongue slip into his mouth and began to explore. I could feel his hands inch further down.   
What a wonderful surprise. I didn't know Heero had this side to him.  
  
To both our disappointments, we had to part for air. We stood there for a while.   
Embracing, in the cold of the night, using each other's warmth.  
  
"Heero?" I asked, staring into his eyes.  
  
"Yes Duo?" He responded while playing with a few stray strands of my hair.   
  
"I want to thank you,"  
  
A slow smile crossed Heero's face. It was one of the most rare and beautiful things I'd   
ever seen.   
  
"For what?" Heero asked, but he still kept smiling. His eyes were shimmering in the   
moonlight.  
  
"For saving me." I had no doubt, that things would be different from now on. And I   
would never be lost and alone again.  
  
"I love you, Duo. Promise me you'll never do that again." Heero said affectionately but   
also serious.  
  
"I love you too, Heero. I always will. And because of that, I'll never do anything so   
stupid again."  
  
Heero smiled down at me once again. And this time we both moved forward, and met in   
the middle.   
  
I had found my love, and I'd never have to spend the nights alone… ever again.   
  
  
  
  
  
Finish  



End file.
